I have this voice in my head. Everyday, I wake up and it starts talking at me. Sometimes the voice sounds like my parents, sometimes it sounds like a teacher, sometimes it sounds like the bully in high school, but most of the time, it disguises itself as a well-intentioned friend. But this voice is not friendly. This voice is not caring. This voice is hurtful, destructive, and patronizing. 

Every day, I battle this voice in my head. Some days, I win and some days, there is no victory, there is only survival, and I come to the end of the day wounded and weak, only capable of going to sleep and hoping to go to war again the next day. 

Today, I’m going to share what the negative voice in my head tells me, as an act of recognition, of retaliation, and then share approaches to silence them. These tactics don’t always work, but as much as we need to focus on honing our craft and developing hard skills, we also need to strengthen our mental muscles. Doing so enables us to break free from the self-fulfilling prophecy that society has conditioned us to accept, which keeps us weak and compliant. I hope this helps you.

1. Everyone hates you:

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone is against you, that the world is conspiring to bring you down. But pause for a moment and consider: Is it truly everyone? Or is it perhaps a few voices amplified by your own insecurities? Remember, perception isn’t always reality. 

Don’t waste energy trying to win favors or impress those that will never be on your side. An away team doesn’t try to get the fans in the arena to cheer for them, they know that they are playing for the people back home. And so it goes, find your home team. Instead of dwelling on imagined hatred, focus on nurturing genuine connections with those who uplift you. 

2. You’re not good enough:

Ah, the relentless refrain of self-doubt. The voice in my head loves telling me how I’m not as good as this person and that I’m not as rich as that person, and that so-and-so did that when they were half my age. 

Yes,  it’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game, measuring our worth against arbitrary standards of success. But here’s the thing: My value isn’t contingent upon accolades or achievements. While what’s her name or whosits did this or that, they haven’t lived my life, gone through my struggles, overcame my challenges, and done everything that I’ve done. What is good enough anyways? I want to ask the voice. It’s human nature to always want more. That’s why we must embrace our strengths, acknowledge our flaws, and remember that enough is enough.

3. Everyone is laughing at you:

My special power is that I don’t get embarrassed, however, when you are laughed at in public, it really affects your social standings. Suddenly, you become the butt of jokes and your opinions hold no sway. 

That’s why the voice in my head reminds me that being laughed at is awful and that I should question my every move. But here’s the truth: Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to spend time laughing at yours. And even if someone does find your actions, your dreams, and your ambitions funny, their opinions hold no power over you either. Embrace vulnerability, knowing that it takes courage to be authentic in a world that often values conformity. 

4. You should apologize for what you did:

All my life I have gotten in trouble because someone with authority thought that I was out of bounds. Their voices echo in my head today, demanding that I feel shame for merely existing and that I should apologize to anyone and everyone around me as my life is a nuisance. 

Owning up to our mistakes is a vital part of personal growth, but there’s a fine line between accountability and self-flagellation. I continue to walk this line everyday, knowing that any misstep I take may be called out and suddenly I’m back in sixth grade detention. The fact of the matter is, I will make mistakes and I may never do better. The voice in my head knows this and it tortures me. But… I’ll try… I’ll try to be kind to myself as I try to learn from my mistakes. And for that I’m not sorry. 

5. You haven’t accomplished anything: 

Feeling stuck, like you’re not going anywhere while others move forward, can be suffocating. In a world where success often means achieving specific goals, it’s easy to think your efforts are pointless if you haven’t reached those milestones. 

But success comes in different forms, and it’s not just about getting awards or recognition from others. It’s not about owning a house or getting some fancy title at work. It’s not about having kids in some prestigious university or traveling the world. 

Take a moment to think about your journey so far. Maybe you haven’t achieved everything you hoped for, but think about the tough times you’ve gone through, the obstacles you’ve conquered, and the lessons you’ve learned. Every experience, whether good or bad, has helped shape who you are today. The voice in your head tends to overlook those things when criticizing you. 

6. Stop bragging:

Oh the voice in my head loves telling me to stop talking about everything I’ve done, because god forbid someone else feels jealous. I enjoy speaking of my achievements, who doesn’t? But the voice in my head does a good job diminishing my work, especially having heard countless people tell me throughout my life not to be such a show-off. 

Only now, I’m reminding myself that celebrating your achievements isn’t bragging; it’s acknowledging your hard work and resilience. Don’t shrink yourself to make others feel comfortable. Your successes are worthy of celebration, and sharing them can inspire others to pursue their own dreams. Remember, humility isn’t about downplaying your accomplishments; it’s about recognizing that we’re all works in progress, learning and growing along the way.

7. You always give up:

The voice of defeat can be the loudest of them all, convincing us that we’re destined to fail before we even begin. Yes, it’s true, I have given up on a lot during my years. I have made choices and I’ve often associated them with failures. But setbacks are not synonymous with failure; they’re new opportunities. Detours aren’t the wrong way, it’s just another way around. Perseverance isn’t about never faltering; it’s about picking yourself up each time you stumble and pressing onward with renewed determination. 

8. You’re wasting your time:

The insidious whisper of doubt, telling you that every effort expended is futile, every moment spent a wasted opportunity. Even as I’m working on this project, there is the voice in my head saying, “Why are you even making this video, you could be resting. You could be watching tv. Nobody is going to watch this anyways. They will be watching something better on Netflix. Go watch Netflix!”   

But wouldn’t watching Netflix be a greater waste of time? I ask. This usually shuts the voice up for a bit and it reminds me that time is not merely a currency to be spent, but a precious resource to be savored and invested wisely.

Pause and reflect on the moments that have brought you joy, the pursuits that have ignited your passion, the connections that have enriched your life. Are they truly wasted, simply because they aren’t how other people want to spend their time? Whether anyone watches my videos, reads my stories, or sees my illustrations, it doesn’t matter. The value of an experience isn’t measured solely by its tangible outcomes, but by the intangible lessons learned, the memories made, and the growth nurtured along the way.

The voice in my head has a lot to say, but you know what? So do I. And while my battle against my negative self-talk will likely be a lifelong endeavor, I won’t give up. On top of that, I’m going to keep talking. I’m going to keep doing what I do. I’m going to try new things that excite me and pursue projects with no end in sight. I’m going to drown out that little voice with everything I do. The voice in my head will not shut me up. 

What does the voice in your head tell you? What do you do about it? Let me know in the comments. 

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