Why You Are Feeling Embarrassed For Being A Writer

You are in a group — it can be your friends or it can be your family — and suddenly someone points to you and tells everyone that you are a writer. You’ll see a few eyebrows raise up, but mostly you’ll see a room full of unenthused stares. One member of the collective will turn to you and ask, “Oh yeah? What do you write?”

I rarely feel embarrassed, but it is in this very moment, the moment before I tell people about my work, where I feel the most ashamed in my choices. What do I write? A little of everything… I write stories and I write researched articles. I write press releases and I write scripts. I write emails and I write text messages. Where do I even begin?

What I tend to say is just that, “I write everything,” which is the most nothing answer one can give.

Imagine it this way. Someone asks you, “What kind of music do you like?” To which, you respond, “Oh, a little of everything.”

While that might be true, it doesn’t entice the other person to learn more about you. Instead, you are making them do all the work. Interest can fade very quickly, but here is how you can spark it rather than defuse it.

But first, let’s understand why we gave that answer in the first place.

A Writer’s Self-defense

Giving a really broad explanation like “I write everything” is a defensive response. You are afraid that the more information you give, the more it will reveal about you — opening you up — making you more vulnerable.

Let’s stick with music for a moment longer. For example, someone asked you what kind of music you liked, and you responded with, “Folk.” A potential return for that is that the other person hates folk, and they will be ready to lay down all the reasons why they hate it.

All through my life, I have encountered people that hate the stuff I like. I’m sure you have too unless you live in a really tight bubble. And I believe that if you like something, you will stand up and defend it. However, at a random social event where I’m suddenly put on the spot, I don’t feel much like standing up for my little creative projects.

“Oh what do you write?” someone will ask.

“I write short stories about travelling,” I could respond.

“Oh, I don’t like those,” people will say, “I don’t read. It’s boring… I’ll just rather go travel. I don’t care what other people think…”

Well… then… I guess I’m just an idiot. Sorry for not being able to amaze you.

Even before they have read any of your work — or even given it a chance — people can shut you down. That feeling is crushing. Suddenly you are in the middle of a group, with a stupid smile on your face, wondering where to move forward from that awkward exchange.

This, of course, happens with a lot of other creatives. When you find out that someone is an actor, you’ll ask, “Have I seen you anything you’ve done?” A wonderful guessing game that actors love. And since they aren’t Leonardo DiCaprio, they will feel awkward listing off their credits like this is some sort of audition for your approval.

Is there a way to remedy this awkward feeling, when you get put on the spot as a writer? Or after announcing your work in progress?

Yes, of course, there is.

Don’t Talk About Your Projects, Talk About Your Mission

What is the one job that gets criticized the most? The showrunner for a hit television show perhaps. Maybe… But in my mind, one of the toughest job in the world is being a politician. You are selfishly climbing ladders, but also selflessly defending causes. As a writer, you have to see yourself in much the same light. As much as you want to write the best work for yourself, it is really the influence, change, and reflection you want to cast upon the world.

It’s time to start thinking of your stories as more than just mere tales for entertainment. A good story is transcendent. It is designed to make the reader or listener think. It is designed to inspire. It is designed to make people feel empathy or find relatable. A story is here to change a life.

Think about the mission you want to accomplish by writing. Surely it is more than just selfishly being published, right?

Think of any good story and the theme, history, or moral behind it. There are only so many stories in the world after all, and most people have seen and heard them before. However, what matters and what last are those themes that remind people that beyond their own perspective there are many more — yours.

So when someone asks you what you write. Don’t be embarrassed that you are using a platform to express your thoughts. Don’t even talk about the writing itself or the story. Talk about the mission you want to accomplish with your writing. What in the world do you want to change with your words? Who are you wanting to inspire and influence?

Take a look at some of the most recent Academy Award winners for screenplay and see how most of them, when receiving their prize, don’t even talk about the craft, but rather, what they were trying to communicate.

You are not simply a writer, you are a voice for your readers, those who have chosen you and believe in your world view. The only thing is… they might not have chosen you yet. But there is still time. You are early. And that’s okay because what a pleasure it is for the people gathered around you that day at the random party to see you at such a humble state with such a bold mission.

Rehearse What to Say, The Next Time Someone Asks You What You Write

Let’s role play. Pretend that you are attending one of those many annual parties. Your friends happily introduce you to a guest you have not met before. You friend says, ”This is _____, she’s a writer.”

The guest asks, “Oh… what do you write?”

To which you respond not with details of your current work, but the objective you want your writing to have on the world. If you can’t think of what that may be… take a moment to really consider it. What do you really want your work to do?

There are many people writing about dragons, romance, and swords. There are many people writing about their last moments with their grandma or the dog from their childhood. There are many people writing about spies and seductive lovers. So don’t talk about that stuff… talk about something beyond that. What does your writing do besides attempt to entertain? Once you can find the answer to that, say it… and I’ll assure you, that you will feel less embarrassed as the guest will start to engage you in a deep conversation.

What other areas of being a writer makes you embarrassed? I’d love to hear it… if you don’t mind sharing.

If you like this article, you might consider buying me a beer, it helps to keep me writing.

Is It Better To Do Nothing and Get No Result Than to Do Something and Get No Result?

Before we talk about results, first let’s talk about goals. Are you currently pursuing your goals? Do you even know what they might be?

If you don’t, you can even take some time and write down your top 25 goals.

Once you have a good idea of what your goals are, you can ask yourself again, “am I doing anything to achieve it?” Yes? No? Maybe?

Now here is the ultimate kicker — does any of it matter? Does any effort you put towards your goals even matter? In a year, do you expect to see any progress at all? If not, then why not stop immediately? After all, it’s better to do nothing and get no results, than to do something and get no results, right?

I heard it on a business podcasts. A highly influential person said that whatever you’re doing, make sure you are getting some results from it, otherwise, it’s useless — or some sentiment as such.

I understood what he was saying, but it didn’t sound, right. It sounded so discouraging. What’s the definition of result? How is it measured?

The same way all our goals are different, so are our result. Wait! What’s the difference between goals and results?

A goal is what you want to happen. If I say, I want to win the Stanley Cup — then winning the Stanley Cup is the goal.

However, once I start pursuing the goal, I might find that the best I can do is play for the Vancouver Canucks. That is the result. It’s great, but it’s not the ultimate goal.

Alternatively, my goal may be to publish a novel and my result is that I only managed to write a few paragraphs. Damn! Still not there yet.

The reason people like to think that it’s better to do nothing and get no results, than to do something and get no result is because they are confusing results with goals. You might not always achieve your goals, but you will always get a result if you try.

What I see in a comment like this is something along the line of, “I’m never going to win the Stanley Cup, so why should I even bother playing…?” or “I’m never going to be able to publish a novel, so why should I even bother writing a draft?”

They have defeated themselves before they had a chance to try. Yes… there is that dumb Yoda line, “Do or do not, there is no try.” Many choose do not. It’s easier. It’s safer. You won’t have results that people can point at and use as caution or mock you with it. “See, told you it wouldn’t work!”

If you are feeling a little down after hearing this, it’s okay. We all go through a phase of asking, “What’s the point? I’m not getting any results.”

That’s not true, though.

If you are doing something, then you are getting results. You might not be hitting your goals, but you are getting results. You are making things happen.

Quick. Change your mindset.

The act of doing should be the goal. Doing is the goal. Doing will lead to results and results gradually lead to bigger goals. My goal is to publish an article every week. My result, I’ve published this article. Not all goals need to be grand.

Additionally, the doing — the consistent action — will give you a better perspective of the path you’re need to go down. You’ll start to recognize challenges, obstacles, and gatekeepers along the way. You begin to understand how the game is actually played.

My goal in my early 20s was to be a filmmaker. I did it. I tried. I worked on set and I schmoozed. I realized what was required and I stopped. The result: I realized that I didn’t enjoy the journey. I didn’t meet my goal (well, I made some short films here and there, but not to the scale I imagined), but I got a result.

Of course, it is nice to have lofty goals. We all want to be world class, but it is not the goals we should strive for, but rather the results. Results are experiences. Results can be analyzed. Results can be adjusted.

Goals don’t need to be far beyond the horizon. Goals can be the steps you take each day — and the footprints are the results.

It is not better to do nothing and get no results, because as long as you do something, you ARE getting results. You might not be hitting your ultimate goal… but you are getting results, because you have created achievable goals. And they deserve to be celebrated.

Results are evidence that you have selected the right goal. Nobody knows what area in life they will succeed in. The only way to find out is to experiment and gather results.

What are your thoughts on this? I’d love to hear from you.

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The Warren G Story

We were driving down the highway when Regulate by Warren G came on the radio. I started chuckling to myself.

“What?” my wife asked from the passenger seat.

“At the bar, one of the regular was Warren G,” I said, in between spurts of laughter, “I knew because I had to take his credit card to open the tab.”

“What?” my wife responded. “Warren G went to your bar?”

“Yeah,” I said, catching my breath, “it’s what it said on his credit card — I didn’t even know who Warren G was until my co-worker put this song on afterward.”

“Wait,” my wife, turned to me, “Warren G is a regular at your bar?”

“He’s just an old white guy named Warren G,” I confirmed, still laughing. “It’s another person named Warren G.”

My wife was clearly frustrated. “You are so bad at telling stories.”

For more of my comedic writing, please check out my Humour Section

Warren Buffett’s 5/25 Rule and the Power of Pairing Your Goals

Warren Buffett, the investor — you know him — had given advice to his personal airplane pilot, Mike Flint, once. He told Flint to come up with a list of 25 things he wanted to accomplish in his career.

Flint went off to do that and came back with his list of 25 goals. Buffett told him to circle his top five and put those into Group A and then circle the bottom 20 and put them into Group B. In this, Flint thought, okay… well, Group A will be my primary focus and Group B will be pursuits I take on during my spare time.

No. Group B must be avoided at all cost, Buffett told him. Flint mustn’t touch any of those tasks until he was to finish all his goals from Group A. That was his advice and you can absolutely use it too.

It’s hard to argue against Buffett. He is, after all, one of the most successful investors in the world.

However, as a creative, you get to blend your goals together. Such as writing and video creation, like when I daily vlogged my NaNoWriMo experience.

Something that was number 18 on your list might be the spark or the muse to help you accomplish your number 2 task.

Let’s say my #2 goal is to be a published writer, I want to write a book and my #18 goal is to become a beer judge. Well, why don’t I use my skills as a writer to write about beer tasting? Why don’t I research about beer, review beer, and go on beer tours and write about all of it? These two goals overlap and end up propelling each other. I can, of course, write about something not on my top 25 list, but why not kill two birds, right?

If you can find ways to pair your goals, you will be constantly inspired and get a more varietal creative life. In order to be great at one thing, you’ll need to have skills and understanding in many other areas. Golfing is more than just putting, it’s driving, it’s wedging the ball out of the bunker or staying mentally focused as well as physically in shape.

If you can pair your goals together and find an interesting relation, then each goal is supported like walking, where one leg holds steady as the other lifts forward. The two goals, as you make progress, pushes each other in the direction of an ultimate goal — and that ultimate goal is your fulfillment.

Go ahead, write out your 25 top goals for your life, and then, see which ones from your top five can be linked with any of the other 20.

To me, the one that can be linked to most of the others are the ones you should pursue. It might not always be the fastest path to success, but this way, you get the most bang for your buck, this way, you might just get to indulge in the buffet of life.

If you like this article, you might like this one as well: Little Bets: How I Make Decisions Without Feeling Stressed