Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp’s dogs do not deserve death

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. June 2, 2015

Many dog lovers and fans of the Pirates of the Caribbean series were holding their breath in mid-May when Johnny Depp faced threats from the Australian agricultural minister. The two-time Sexiest Man Alive was caught smuggling his Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, into Australia. The country has strict animal security laws that are put in place to prevent spread of rabies among domestic dogs. This meant that Depp’s beloved pets faced threats of euthanasia, and he himself, jail time.

No dog deserves to die because of their owner’s folly, and certainly not ones that have no legitimate case of rabies. You think Depp’s cutie little dogs are going to hurt anyone or anything? If you do, then it might be better to put you down.

Obviously I understand the severity of the case: Australia is not located far from countries where stray dogs run rampant, such as Indonesia. And with such a rough history of animal infestation—remember the Rabbit Proof Fence erected to keep pests from invading Western Australia?—it is natural to take caution with such an event.

The government is mighty powerful, but I believe this event was more of an opportunity for the Australian government to assert its might and alert travellers that the law is not to be trifled with. Threatening a celebrity’s pet—or anyone’s pet—is akin to threatening their children. It’s a big deal. They want people to remember the threat next time they are tempted to smuggle pets into the country.

Still, it ultimately comes across as a farce. Politicians killing little dogs sounds like the first scene of House of Cards, doesn’t it? The government handled the situation tastelessly. It made them appear like bullies rather than the cautious obedient mutts they are. I agree that Depp should not have any higher form of treatment than us normal people, and with that being the case, just fine him. Why resort to murder? Why does something need to die just because you want to teach a celebrity and the world at large a lesson?

It’s understandable for the government of Australia to feel undermined by a big-shot movie star—yes, the one from Mortdecai—but no one was harmed and animals deserve to be with their owners the same way children deserve to be with their parents. Perhaps Depp should have known better, but thanks to his folly, we all know how uptight the Australian agricultural security is.

Why sobriety and award shows suck

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. November 26, 2014

The viral video of Johnny Depp slurring his words and swaying on stage at the Hollywood Film Awards reminded me that the only reason we care for award shows—i.e., other people’s success—is when in the process of acknowledging their success they embarrass themselves.

When I was younger, I would admire the prestige of award shows. Now that I’m old enough to live vicariously, I barely have time to acknowledge my friends’ successes through Facebook, let alone watch an award show for people I haven’t even heard of. Most often I hear about these events afterward when something controversial happens like Miley Cyrus dancing or John Travolta reading poorly. Depp’s intoxicated spiel reminded me that award shows are the perfect environment, not to celebrate the accomplishments of those who are “better” than us, but to ridicule them openly.

The culture of raising someone high and then throwing them down is one that Hollywood does best; it’s tradition and it’s sacred. Award shows of all calibers are jokes. True, once in a while someone deserving wins and it’s super inspiring, but those moments are rare. There is nothing inspiring about watching some actors read the teleprompter or some show-biz folk read a list of names to thank. That’s not impressive. Watching Depp flub his way through an introduction isn’t impressive either, but it is entertaining.

I propose a change: we should stop treating award shows as these hoity-toity variety shows, but instead make it an all-round party—a Big Brother-style show that follows the nominees, presenters, honourees, and attendees throughout the night as they mingle, drink, win, and/or lose. They can dress up if they want to in fancy who-you-wearing garments or they can wear whatever they wore while rolling out of their limo-bed. I don’t want to see celebrities sitting and smiling politely. I want to see them getting into arguments, I want them trying to impress others, I want to see them sweat during awkward silences. Yes, I pretty much want them to go through the social experience we all have when we attend parties and networking events, but I want it televised. Get them drunk and get them talking; let the viewers join the party. Fuck the ceremony!

Wouldn’t it be great to see Depp drinking and chatting up Matt Damon or Cuba Gooding Jr. before walking on stage to embarrass himself? Think of the 100 other things that happen in an award show that go unnoticed just because they didn’t happen on stage. There are so many opportunities to acknowledge that celebrities and rich successful people are just like us: one drink away from doing something stupid.

Winners get their trophies and viewers get what they want: celebrities in a glass box. We are going to do it anyways, so instead of focussing in on just one troubled actor, why not focus on them all. If we are going to laugh at one, why not laugh at all of them? What’s the worst that could happen—we empathize with entertainers a little bit more?