All work and no love

February 20, 2015February 18, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

How to balance work and relationships

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. Feb 17, 2015

There are two key channels in life that we are all sailing through simultaneously. One is the career path we have chosen. On this route we are empowered to catch the wind and ride as far as we can undaunted. The other channel finds us embarking on a journey for love and companionship. Our attitude on this trip, however, is much different. We dock occasionally, testing the waters here and there, uncertain when we’ll reach our destination. As you can tell by my longwinded metaphor, the success of work and love are two separate achievements, both of equal importance. But how do you attain one without losing sight of the other?

While some believe that people should keep work and love separate, I don’t believe that is true. A healthy relationship is built upon support, and a thriving career requires that too. The two channels feed into each other. The time you spend working and the time you spend with your loved one should be interchangeable. It should be teamwork. You and your partner should have careers that feed into each other’s lives; both of you should be passionate about what the other does and sail the same course.

Men are often praised for not bringing work home, but in today’s world what does that really mean? It means keeping a significant portion of the day hidden away. Your partner should be there to encourage you when you have an assignment due, or if there is an opportunity for promotion. It’s a competitive market and having someone on your side is irreplaceable encouragement.

With that being said, dedicating time to your romantic partner is equally as important. While accomplishing work or showing up on time is imperative, time you have away from the office, kitchen, studio, and the like should be portioned appropriately. Here is where you can help your partner better their situation. Help clean, make dinner, or even do some repairs. Life can unravel when there is nobody looking out for you, so do your best and pick up some slack when your partner can’t.

Life is not all sunsets and paycheques. Work is work and relationship is work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t succeed. I’m not going to tell you the type of person to date or the kind of job to have, but if you want a fulfilling life, it’s better if the two channels intersect occasionally. Find a partner that cares about your job and find a career that your partner is passionate about as well. Only then will you find true balance between work and love.

When I was young versus kids these days: Technology for romance

February 12, 2015February 6, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. Feb. 3, 2015

Technology has always played an integral role in the way people communicate their affections, lusts, and desires. From the age of innocence and the composition of handwritten letters to the modern age of Tinder, PlentyOfFish, and Snapchat, we have always found ways to showcase ourselves in the most attractive manner. But times have changed our behaviour; online relationships are not what they once were.

When I was young MSN Messenger was at its prime, ICQ was nearing extinction, and personalized HTML websites, such as Nexopia, were starting to make an impression on youths. Technology was giving us hormone-overloaded kids new opportunities to flirt and establish relationships digitally. Gone were the days of calling a girl’s home, having her father pick up, and then awkwardly inquiring after her. I was a part of the first ever generation to enter high school with a cellphone—albeit my plan was limited to emergencies. Either way, we were living in a new age. Socializing occurred in classrooms and hallways, but it also took place after school, online.

During that time, the Internet was a way to present our persona, but more often than not, our vulnerabilities. Kids were marketing themselves in all the worst possible ways. We showed off our interest and begged for approval, but more often than not our efforts went ignored. The Internet became another playing field for popularity where only few can excel. Keep in mind that this is before the time of Facebook, and although connections with friends are common, as high school students, opportunities to expand our networks were limited and the risk of talking to strangers was high.

Kids these days have more communication choices than friends to talk with and the Internet infrastructure is now incredibly advanced. Apparently, with the right algorithm, you can fill out some questions and have a computer find a mate for you. Such technology is a little eerie to me. Although we don’t understand how it works, we are no longer afraid of it. Internet dating is no longer taboo—it’s big business. But that’s an adult service and I’m talking about the children. Won’t somebody think of the children!

With the improvement of technology, high school students are rejoicing in the convenience, but are also suffering from the danger. Cyber bullying and permanent blemishes such as nude images have taken the lives of numerous young people, and will continue to cause casualties. In my day, kids were limited to the word of mouth. Now, relationships and defamation are at the tips of your fingers.

When I was young I was a part of a popularity contest; the worst thing that could happen was indifference. Now, the effects can last a lifetime. Tech companies that focus on communication for a younger demographic need to find a solution, a means to regulate without interfering. But then again, growing up is all about making mistakes. Figure it out or log off.

You can’t level up in love

February 9, 2015February 4, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Why we shouldn’t determine end goals for relationships

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. Feb 3, 2015

When we enter a relationship, it’s easy to start fantasizing about all the possibilities. We all have our own reasons for developing a romantic bond with another person. Perhaps we want to get married, have children, and live a fated life. That has been the traditional route for romance for many generations, but the mentality for many is less about mutual growth and more about levelling up in the game of life.

More and more I’m seeing couples treat their relationship with the same undertone as someone talking about their career. If marriage is simply a promotion, to me, it’s incredibly disturbing. Sure, a wedding is a wonderful party where grandma is invited, but with all respect, it does not symbolize adulthood or ultimate satisfaction.

Relationship milestones should not be determined by a single night of partying, wedding rings, and cheesy vows; it should happen organically. First dates, first kisses, buying new furniture together, and surviving an argument are examples of milestones, but are rarely celebrated because a relationship is exclusive. Only two people would have experienced it. It’s not something to brag about. It’s not something to prove.

If you enter a relationship with the objective of getting married or having children, you’re imposing milestones for your own life and not necessarily for your partner’s. Such behaviour can rather create ultimatums or cause you to live in a dysfunctional partnership.

Sometimes a romantic relationship can feel like a blessing, sometimes it can feel like a compromise, and other times it might even feel like a sacrifice. If you love a person, but you feel as though the relationship needs to move to the next level for some reason—be it moving in, getting married, or having children—then I beg you to reconsider. Although people may look at you as if you are some sort of pariah or failure for not achieving those outcomes, don’t fret because outsiders don’t know shit about your relationship.

Don’t let other people control how you behave with your loved one, because different people have different values. And you and your partner must figure out your values together without the interference of friends, families, co-workers, and even critics like myself. I don’t know how two people behave when they’re alone together; all I know is that if you enter the first date, answer a personal ad, or kiss someone with the intention of achieving some “life goal” you’ll be gravely disappointed. Building a relationship is the goal. There is nothing more but the moments you share together. You will never be able to level up, so feel satisfied in the moment.

The millennial priority shopping lists

February 7, 2015June 3, 2016 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Five things you should purchase if you actually have money

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published by The Other Press. January 27, 2015

Youth is wasted on the young, but money shouldn’t be. I know we might be a little strapped for cash here at the moment, but that is not going to be the case forever. We have our five-year plan and all our investments are in order. No time to worry about the future. That’s why we should take advantage of our current disposable income. The question is, what should we actually spend it on? Booze? Rent? Food? Those are all legitimate options, but here are my top five purchases to make if you are lucky enough to get a sudden influx of cash.

Plane ticket to anywhere: Any extra money I have I deposit into a saving fund dedicated to plane tickets and other traveling expenses. I’m passionate about traveling and I can’t imagine my life without the anticipation of another trip. Instead of spending money on more things around the house, I choose to go somewhere, see something new, and create worthwhile memories and experiences. There will come a day when I won’t get the opportunity to travel, but before then I want to see as many different places and experience as many different cultures as possible.

Better, healthier meals: It’s easy to get into the habit of eating poorly. Fast and unhealthy food is convenient and cheap and that is why we gravitate to it. When we receive some extra cash, why are we still making excuses not to eat healthier or fancier? Buy some vegetables or go to a restaurant that requires reservations. I enjoy fine dining as much as I enjoy McDonald’s. I have to tip more at one, and that is why I’m not a regular at Tojo’s, but I like treating myself and my friends and family to an evening of extravagance when I can.

New furniture (especially bed): Nothing symbolizes growing up like purchasing your own furniture. The day you decide to throw away your parents’ hand-me-downs and go shopping with the mission to create your own space is a monumental milestone that many people fail to commemorate. Obviously you can get by with what you have. You know, the couch from Craigslist, the table from your aunt’s garage, and the cheap, squeaky IKEA chair that pretty much grew up with you. I don’t care how sentimental you are, things get old, and you deserve new furniture that represents your taste.

New “comfy” pair of shoes: Few things in the world can guarantee to ruin your day: missed opportunities, regrettable comments or actions, and painful shoes. You might have one pair of shoes, you might have a thousand pairs, but what is important is that you have at least one comfortable pair of shoes. If you have one, then buy another one. Buy one in every style that you need. If it’s not comfortable, throw it away! Live a life where every step is enjoyable.

New technology: If you are the kind of person that says, “Yep, the Motorola flip phone from 2006 is still good for me, I don’t need smartphones,” then there may be no saving you. Technology is here to make our lives better. For it to improve we must continue using it, even as consumers. We must continue learning from it. We might not be the innovators, but we should be able to identify with the latest software and certain standards of technology usage. So buy a new desktop, buy a new tablet, and subscribe to digital media. There is a whole world out there waiting to be explored.

The cause of mass retailer extinction

February 4, 2015January 31, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Why Target, Sony, and other retailers may be missing the market

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published by The Other Press. January 27, 2015

Remember Zellers? I do, and that is why Target failed. The same everyday brands presented in the same everyday fashion with prices as high as any other major retailer. Target’s failure is no surprise to me.

I wanted to shop there, I tried to shop there, and on occasion, I have spent some hard-earned money there; nevertheless, I often found myself at Wal-Mart, Superstore, and Costco instead. There is absolutely no reason to choose Target over their competitors, except perhaps that it was closer to home. In my case, it was not.

Although Target’s demise is clear, the retail closure trend is a little scary. I hate to see Sony stores go, but I can’t remember the last time I went into one. Heck, I’ve been into more Disney stores than Sony. Another retailer that has disappointed me is the flagship Chapters on Robson. I’m going to miss walking through the four-storey space, killing time before an appointment, and never actually buying anything. I’ll miss that very much.

It’s obvious why those stores are failing, and if your behaviour is anything like mine, you would not be surprised either. The thing is, people still want to shop and browse, they just might not commit to a purchase or wait in line at the checkout anymore. Unless you have a unique product or a loyal customer base, you are going to have trouble surviving in our tough economy. New and old retailers need to understand the game: if you are going to take up space, you’d better have value.

Ask yourself this, what makes you go out to stores? Why are you choosing to buy something in person, instead of ordering it online? Why are you choosing that store instead of the others? The stores that are dying out are a part of natural selection. The power goes to the consumers. We’re at a crossroad and we get to determine which companies succeed and which fail.

As for brands, they can no longer act so big and arrogant. Any giant can crumble now. In a matter of weeks, a retail giant like Target collapsed. Whatever company that is taking over that retail space had better have a plan.

Canadian economics is a whole other ballpark and companies entering from the States must recognize the different culture. The next big brand to set foot in Vancouver is Nordstrom. I can’t wait to wander around their aisles, touch their fabric, acknowledge some of their employees, and then leave quietly out a random exit. Yes, I wish them luck—they’ll need it.

National egotism and propaganda

February 1, 2015January 31, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

‘American Sniper’is an encapsulating project rooted in pride

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. January 27, 2015

When Seth Rogen and Michael Moore voiced their opinion on American Sniper—the number one movie in January with over $100-million in box office over the long weekend—it was targeted at the machine that was America.

Rogen, accustomed to controversies, compared the highly acclaimed film to the third act of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. One may remember the scene in which Hitler and his posse sat in a theatre, watching a movie with a sniper on higher ground taking out Allied soldiers. He said it without saying it; Rogen was pretty much comparing Clint Eastwood to Leni Riefenstahl and the American public to animals akin to Nazis.

Moore, the director of Oscar-winning documentary Bowling for Columbine, added in a tweet: “Only a coward will shoot someone who can’t shoot back.” A Japanese sniper killed Moore’s uncle almost 70 years ago.

The story of US Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, portrayed by Bradley Cooper, was a haunting one. Were we watching a film about a national hero or an international murderer? Either way, I believe it’s an honest war movie.

Of course, movies with a patriotic undertone have been a popular genre in cinematic catalogues since the existence of filmmaking. The original purpose of motion pictures was not just to entertain but also to persuade. How is American Sniper any different from the rallying war and disaster movies that made regular civilians feel empowered?

The criticisms aren’t directed at the performance or the movie itself, but the encompassing scenarios. Why is America hell-bent on murder, enough so to transform a normal man into such a weapon? What does it say about the current system of politics and recovery? How are we helping those transitioning from normal life to a life of war and then back again?

Although I agree with Rogen that the movie comes across as enemy-murder porn, and I understand where Moore is coming from, saying that heroes don’t gun down people from a hiding spot, I don’t believe that the movie is anything more than a reflection on the way we ourselves react to war.

Honestly, I enjoy movies that focus not just on the event, but also on the repercussions. I want to see the brutality of it. I want to see the broken relationships and the torturous anguish. I don’t want to see it glamourized like in many action movies. I want to watch a war movie and feel fortunate that there are those participating in such duties. And then I want to feel disappointed that I live in a world where we require people to participate, to enrol, to risk their lives, and to end the lives of others.

American Sniper, like many other Hollywood-produced war movies, has a clear identification of the enemy, but know this: not everything in movies is real. In fact, none of it is—they’re movies.

When I was young vs. Kids these days: Boy bands

January 29, 2015January 23, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in the Other Press. January 20, 2015

When I talk about boy bands, I’m talking specifically about the bubblegum pop genre. We are looking at the frosted tips, the heartfelt ballads, the cringe-worthy lyrics, the addictive tunes, and the incredible marketing mechanism that is boy bands.

When I was young

Around the time I was old enough to like girls, I was influenced by those that girls gushed over. Professional athletes, Nickelodeon teen sensations, and of course, “musicians.” How can I be more like Justin Timberlake and Kevin from the Backstreet Boys? That was the question that kept me up at night. Naturally, I reached high school before I found the answer and the ultimate quest was lost forever.

Boy bands shaped my life (significant is the wrong word) in significant ways. The fact that I once idolized them on television and purchased their cassette tapes says a lot about the power of mass media. Like Pokémon cards and Pogs, I fell for it; I had to keep up with the stupid Joneses. I was tricked.

Rounding out the end of my teen years, whenever a classic ‘90s boy band song came on someone else’s iPod, I’d cross my arms and protest, “Nope, this isn’t me anymore, this is not what I like now.” I was ashamed. The stigma of appreciating pop music for what it was made me self-conscious. But it remained a guilty pleasure.

Then I got a bit older. And set my iTunes on shuffle. Randomly, old favourites started to play. It was the same garbage but I had a different frame of mind. Like looking at old photographs and being embarrassed, but also seeing the importance of them. This was my history. I once found pleasure in this, and nobody should take it away from me.

Kids these days

Sometimes I find myself mocking the younger generation for new boy bands like One Direction. It sometimes hurts me viscerally just to think of them. I guess the problem with getting older is that I witness the mistakes I have made before repeated by someone else. I see the same delusion of grandeur in the eyes of young boys and girls watching the latest music video I had when watching “Bye Bye Bye” for the umpteenth time.

Still, times have changed significantly; the ‘90s boy band craze has diminished significantly. The bubblegum pop bubble has burst. Boy bands today are predominantly from the UK and other international markets. The selling value of boy bands has become a harder enterprise. After decades of satire and parody, boy bands have lost their trendiness. What replaced it? Solo artists.

Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, and—why not—Bruno Mars show that it is now easier to promote a solo act than a group. Unless every member is playing an instrument, boy bands have no reason to be. To say that kids these days are dumb is untrue. Even they know that backup dancers and singers should not get the prestige of stardom. There is a lot of music today. It’s not easy being a Lance Bass or a—you know, Kevin from Backstreet Boys any more.

When I was young, boy bands started a movement, but the capitalist machine saturated the market. Kids these days are still being fed the same jumbled-up tunes, just with slightly different packaging.

You don’t know how I feel

January 27, 2015January 23, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Don’t trivialize others’ sadness and depression with rhetorical comparisons

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. January 20, 2015

Whether I’m feeling good or bad, you won’t understand my emotions. You won’t understand the reason for my elation or the cause of my sadness. You won’t understand how frustrated I am or how much pain I’m going through. Obviously you’ve felt these feelings before, but you do not know how I feel. Even though you think comparing your trials and tribulations, adversities and injustices, and triumphs and errors will cheer me up or make me hopeful, it won’t. It just trivializes my pain, making it virtually irrelevant in your mind, thus not really a problem at all.

A common human response to someone else’s tragedy is to relate it to our own. Sometimes it evokes empathy, like when we watch a movie and we cry. However, sometimes that response can come across as ignorant, self-indulgent, and dismissive.

“I’m sorry your parents passed away. I know how that feels; my dog died when I was 12. It was very hard for me.”

Such a comment, for example, may be designed to offer condolences and a parallel experience of sorrow, but it never comes across as such, especially to the person in grief receiving it. Even though we’re constructed to wince when someone else is in pain, we can never feel the exact pain. The suffering is always channeled through our own body. We can never be someone else; therefore, we will never know how others feel.

Now that we have established that the saying, “I know how you feel…” is a poor response to an open-hearted discussion, what is the proper reply?

Every situation is unique and should be treated as such. Above all else, don’t be an emotionless robot with rehearsed dialogue for emotional situations. I tell you this because I struggle with it. I grew up as an only child, and calming people down or cheering them up have never been inherently strong traits of mine. But see, most people don’t want to be calmed down or cheered up, not in a blatant way at least. They just want someone to listen.

Be attentive and understanding. Understanding means that you don’t know how someone feels, but you get it. You hear their pain, you recognize their anxiety, and you understand their stress. Allow them time to vent. Don’t interrupt with a funny anecdote. It doesn’t matter. Make every question a supportive one that allows them to unload their burden. Don’t give space. Giving space, in the griever’s eyes, appears to be avoidance and may be more hurtful in the long run. Stay. Listen. And respond positively and lovely. It’s not going to be pretty, and it’s not going to be solved in a moment or two, but if the person chose you out of all the people in their lives to express their emotions, you should feel honoured, not encumbered.

Friends and family stand by each other during hard times. They should not trivialize grave matters. They should acknowledge them. Embrace them. Shine the spotlight on them. And then allow the grieving process to move to the last stage of grief. Acceptance.

Stars without a purpose

January 24, 2015January 23, 2015 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Give the NHL All-Stars something to play for

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published in The Other Press. January 20, 2015

The format for selecting the top players to be involved in the annual NHL All-Star Game and Super Skills has been an experiment for many years. Fan voting, player drafts, and the executive choices from the NHL have all been tried. Not that the games themselves have any merit except a little bit of bragging rights for the players and some excitement for the fans. The selection process is often more surprising than the actual event itself. With all that being said, how can we give a little more life to a game that doesn’t matter?

From the old-fashioned World versus North America to the current Eastern versus Western Conference battles, we always see some key players left off the roster. With the fans in charge of selecting the top six players in each respective position this year, we can see a huge flaw within the voting system. Five out of the six players voted are from the Chicago Blackhawks and one player from the Buffalo Sabres. The NHL then went on to select the remaining 36 participants.

This fan voting system, however, leads itself to some less-than-serious picks. Nothing against Zemgus Girgensons of the Sabres (who?), but with over 1,500,000 votes, beating out players with double his point total, I must say he is occupying a spot that doesn’t belong to him. Thanks, fans! This reminds me of the year where the Canucks’ Rory Fitzpatrick nearly earned himself a spot on the All-Star roster with the help of fan voting and a Twitter campaign. Fitzpatrick was well-liked, but far from All-Star material. The conspiracy is that the NHL stepped in and voted Fitzpatrick out near the tail-end of the voting process.

Another problem just happens to be a publicity ploy. A fantasy draft format will take place on January 23 to decide the two teams. Nick Foligno of the host city, Columbus, will be the captain of one team and Jonathan Toews of Chicago, the captain of the other, will vie for the best suited players, or their own teammates and friends. As proven from the past years, this is a popularity contest and less of a serious team construction.

All-star games, currently jokes masqueraded as sporting events, could have some value. The MLB puts pressure on the game by giving playoff home-field advantage to the team that wins. The NHL could use this. Here’s a hypothetical example: if the Eastern Conference wins in the All-Star Game last year (if there was one), then in the Stanley Cup Finals, the New York Rangers would have the home-ice advantage instead of the LA Kings because of the All-Star Game victory, even though they were both seeded forth in their conference.

The All-Star Game is often a lacklustre event, full of showboating and antics. It’s barely a hockey game. Sure, the MVP gets a new car or something and the winning team gets a celebratory pat on the back, but what’s the point? Make them play for something.

The games should be about building an elite team to compete for an advantage that will come into play when it really matters. I agree that it would be a shame if a player were injured, but hell, I want to watch hockey, not figure skating!

Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy

January 22, 2015June 3, 2016 / Elliot Chan / Leave a comment

Take it easy and don’t burn out too early in the year

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor
Formerly published by The Other Press. January 13, 2015

Pace yourself. For those who are working and going to school, taking a break periodically at the start of the year can do wonders. Let’s be honest, the holiday season is not as relaxing as you would have wanted it to be. In fact, some might say that running around, buying gifts, attending parties, and mingling with old friends and familiar relatives is as stressful as a communications project. Now that you are back into the groove, take a moment, breathe, and relish in the start without anticipating the finish.

If you have chronic stress or if you don’t want to develop it, there are few things you need to do: avoid exhaustion, stay motivated, dismiss cynicism, and get cognitive rest and take care of yourself.

We often overload our schedule early in the year or try to harness the momentum that dwindled a bit after the festivities. There is a bit of holiday hangover though, so although we are optimistic, we must also be realistic. While some people are busy making New Year’s resolutions, you may consider taking a break. Ease up, allow yourself time to soak in the new environment, new classrooms, new responsibilities, and new opportunities.

Why do we burn out in April when it’s exam season? Why do we feel overwhelmed and stressed? It’s because we weren’t taking care of ourselves earlier on. We weren’t preparing ourselves properly. Once activities and assignments pile up, there is no time to rest, but there is plenty to stress.

Instead of doing frivolous work or starting anything new, consider how far you’ve come since the previous year and maybe reassess your goals. Mark milestones you would like to hit throughout the year and plan. Planning an event in May will give you energy in March, so even if you start burning out in the latter half of the season, know that you’ll be rewarded by someone who cares: you.

Relaxing is serious business. While the grind up ahead seems daunting and preparation is a must, relaxation is the act of staying attuned with your body and mind. A body builder doesn’t go to the gym every day and doesn’t work the same muscles every day. Neither should you.

Trust in yourself that you will survive this year with grace. Exemplify vitality. Don’t beat yourself up for having a day where you get to sleep. Not every day needs to be productive, especially early on in the year. You’re about to climb a mountain, a mountain you have climbed many times before, a mountain that lasts 365 days. Look up, visualize all that you want to accomplish, and then take one step at a time. Most importantly, don’t forget to enjoy the view.