Before we talk about the events in Hang the DJ, let’s flashback to when this episode was first released: December 29, 2017

On September 25, 2017, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle made their debut as a couple at the Invictus Games in Toronto. Their relationship broke new ground for the British royal family, sparking discussions on cross-cultural relationships and the challenges of maintaining privacy in the spotlight.

Meanwhile, dating apps surged in popularity, with a Stanford study revealing that 39% of couples are meeting online on platforms like Tinder and Bumble. The Tinder Gold’s “Likes You” feature allowing users to see who already swiped right on them, pushed the app’s popularity even further. 

At the same time, Bumble expanded beyond romance into professional networking and friendship with Bumble BFF and Bumble Bizz. Yet, the rise of digital matchmaking wasn’t without critique. Studies highlighted its impact on mental health, with terms like “ghosting” and “breadcrumbing” capturing the emotional toll of algorithmic dating.

In 2017, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg clashed over the future of artificial intelligence, with Musk warning about AI’s potential existential risks and advocating for proactive regulation, fearing AI could evolve beyond human control. Zuckerberg on the other hand was optimistic about AI’s potential to improve lives, emphasizing that responsible innovation would outweigh its risks. 

The idea that reality could be a simulated construct gained significant media coverage in 2017, partly due to some high-profile endorsements. Elon Musk and other prominent figures suggested that the odds of us living in a “base reality”— the original, unaltered reality from which all other realities might stem — are minimal, given the rapid advancement of simulations and AI.

And that’s what brings us to this episode of Black Mirror, Episode 4 of Season 4: Hang the DJ. 

As Frank and Amy navigate the rigidly controlled world of The System, their budding connection forces them—and us—to question the purpose of algorithms in matters of the heart. While The System claims to optimize matches and ensure “perfect” relationships, it also strips away autonomy, leaving users trapped in a cycle of dictated romances.

So we ask: Can technology truly understand the complexities of human connection? At what point does relying on algorithms to find love begin to undermine the very nature of intimacy and self-discovery? Are we, in our quest for compatibility, sacrificing the serendipity that makes relationships meaningful?

In this video, we’ll explore three key themes from Hang the DJ and examine whether similar events have happened—and if they haven’t, whether or not they are still plausible. Let’s go! 

Data and Dating

Hang the DJ unfolds within a seemingly idyllic yet tightly controlled dating system, where Frank and Amy are paired together for a pre-determined length of time, 12 hours. Their compatibility, like that of all users, is calculated through an extensive series of timed relationships, generating data to improve the algorithm. The goal? To find each user their ideal match.

The collection of emotional experiences and connections aims to reduce love to a science, yet it simultaneously raises doubts about the role of choice in human connection. 

The evolution of dating apps like Tinder has sparked debates around fairness, bias, and authenticity in matchmaking. Tinder’s once-secretive algorithm, “Elo score” ranked users by perceived attractiveness and desirability, sparking allegations of discrimination. Critics noted that minority users often received lower scores, reducing their visibility to potential matches—a practice accused of perpetuating systemic biases.

Relying on behavioral tracking, these platforms analyze user actions such as swiping patterns and response times to improve match recommendations. 

Research shows that women swipe right only 30% of the time, and 20% reject over 80% of male profiles. In a sample of 100 male profiles, just one was liked by more than 80% of women, while 38 were universally disliked. These statistics highlight the competitive nature of app-based dating, with women often feeling overwhelmed by message volume (54%), while men report frustration from receiving few responses (64%).

So how do you fight against an artificial intelligence that is giving you a disadvantage on the dating market? You use AI, of course. Tools like Rizz AI and Wing GPT help craft profiles and provide conversation tips. For example, Rizz AI is a chatbot that generates conversation starters or witty replies.

Photo-analysis platforms like PhotoFeeler suggest improvements to profile pictures, boosting user engagement rates. However, these systems only prioritize surface-level appeal, reinforcing beauty standards at the expense of authenticity.

The line between trust in humans and reliance on technology is increasingly blurred, especially as dating and intimacy evolve into processes mediated by digital tools. With online dating becoming more unpredictable and concerns about safety growing in the wake of movements like #MeToo, technology has stepped in to provide checks and balances.

One notable area is consent, where apps like We-Consent and LegalFling offer clear, timestamped records of agreements, securely stored on blockchain. 

Did she consent to intercourse? With technology now there is indisputable proof. But while these tools simplify the logistics of consent, they leave little room for the emotional complexity that often accompanies these situations.

Swiping apps and algorithmic matchmaking have left many feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, and even distrustful. Concerns about rejection, compatibility, and navigating the nuances of communication have led to a growing demand for tools that address these anxieties directly.

The anxiety extends beyond the initial stages of dating. Maintaining communication in a relationship can also be daunting, leading couples to turn to apps like Maia, which provides voice-guided emotional check-ins, offering real-time support during tense moments.

Then there are apps like Smitten that incorporate mini-games like “Lie Detector” or compatibility quizzes to break the ice and create memorable interactions. These playful elements mirror trends in broader tech—like how Duolingo gamifies language learning—and can make dating feel approachable.

Much like Spotify’s approach to curating playlists based on your listening patterns, dating apps analyze your preferences—whether it’s swiping habits or skipping songs—to refine their suggestions over time. 

However, just as Spotify occasionally suggests a song that doesn’t resonate, dating algorithms can misfire, presenting matches that feel disconnected or are derivatives.

In Hang the DJ, AI takes the concept of algorithmic matchmaking to an extreme. Our surrendering to algorithms reflects the growing trust—and trepidation—we place in technology to shape deeply personal experiences. Because of AI’s relentless ability to learn and curate, we may indeed find ourselves echoing the sentiment: Hang the DJ, for the algorithm knows better than we do, and will no longer take requests.

Expiration Date

Because every relationship in Hang the DJ comes with a set expiration date, instead of living in the moment, the characters are often consumed by the knowledge of how and when it will end. For Frank and Amy, this creates vastly different but equally isolating experiences.

Frank endures a long-term relationship that feels like a prison sentence, with no connection or joy to sustain it. Meanwhile, Amy is caught in a revolving door of short-lived partnerships. By imposing strict limits, the system denies its participants the ability to fully engage, leaving them waiting—not for love, but for the clock to run out.

This theme mirrors modern dating dynamics, particularly the incorporation of time-sensitive features in dating apps. For instance, apps like Happn, Hinge, and Tinder employ mechanisms such as expiring matches, boosts, or time-sensitive notifications to create urgency. 

Happn’s location-based model even introduces real-world encounters into the mix, encouraging users to act swiftly before potential connections vanish. Similarly, Tinder’s “Boost” feature amplifies a profile’s visibility for a limited window, leveraging scarcity to drive engagement. Additionally, eHarmony introduced an AI-driven feature that suggested optimal times for users to communicate.

These tools aren’t implementing anything innovative per se, after all, human behavior is influenced by deadlines. For example, studies show that time constraints in speed dating foster initial attraction by prioritizing first impressions. 

Albeit they are manufactured for drama, reality shows like Married at First Sight and Love is Blind are interesting samples of these experiments as they test the concept of expedited relationships. However, success rates vary. 

Across 17 completed seasons of Married at First Sight, 69 couples have been matched. On “Decision Day,” 38 couples (55%) agreed to stay married. However, over two-thirds of those couples later divorced, filed for divorce, or publicly announced their separation. By August 2024, only 11 couples remained married, resulting in a long-term success rate of 15.9%.

The “seven-year itch,” backed by U.S. Census Bureau data, highlights that marital dissatisfaction peaks around the eight-year mark. About half of all first marriages end in divorce, and roughly 46% of marriages don’t last 25 years. On average, couples who divorce separate after seven years of marriage and finalize the divorce about a year later. For those who remarry, it typically happens around four years after their previous marriage ends.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, divorce rates spiked as couples grappled with the challenges of extended time together. In early 2020, divorce consultations increased by 50%, underscoring how prolonged proximity and external pressures can escalate conflicts and make relationships feel stifling.

Interestingly, studies on short-term sexual relationships suggest the awareness of a time limit reduces emotional attachment but can intensify physical intimacy. A survey by SELF magazine asked over 2,000 single women aged 18 to 64 about their experiences with casual sex. The results showed that 82% had at least one casual encounter, and only 19% expressed regret about it.

Modern relationships are often shaped—and strained—by invisible deadlines. These pressures, whether from dating apps, cultural milestones, or societal expectations to marry by a certain age, intensify the tension between savoring the present and bracing for the end.

Such time-bound systems can guide us toward action or trap us in hurried choices that lead to regret. Dating apps, for instance, don’t just facilitate connection—they frame it, shaping how and when we fall into or out of sync with others. Meanwhile, the fear of impermanence and unmet milestones feeds a cycle where love and time feel forever at odds.

Dangerous Devotion

In Hang the DJ, the matchmaking System promises a 99.8% success rate.

As other couples leave the System in blissful unions, the contrast deepens Frank and Amy’s growing skepticism about the algorithm’s efficacy. Their shared frustrations eventually lead them to rebel against the rigid rules, culminating in their decision to challenge the System’s authority and flee. Perhaps concluding the final test to demonstrate their compatibility. 

In modern relationships, we are often encouraged to surrender to a process—whether guided by a system, a coach, or a higher power. Before making a vow in marriage, we first commit to the process itself. However, this openness also exposes us to risks, making us susceptible to bad actors who may exploit our trust, accumulate power, and cause harm.

Among the most notable relationship coaches and frameworks is the Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. This method emphasizes communication, conflict resolution, and building trust through tools like the “Sound Relationship House,” which consists of seven levels: building love maps (understanding each other deeply), sharing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other for support, maintaining a positive perspective, managing conflict constructively, making life dreams come true, and creating shared meaning through rituals and goals. 

Contrasting this research-backed methodology are controversial figures like Andrew Tate and Karla Elia. Tate’s teachings promote hyper-masculinity and dominance, often criticized as toxic and harmful, while Elia’s advice on TikTok advocates for transactional relationships that prioritize financial support over emotional connection by addressing personal wants on the first date. The rise of these figures is partly fueled by algorithms on platforms like TikTok and YouTube, which favor engagement over content quality.

Cults like NXIVM and OneTaste exploit these same vulnerabilities under the guise of empowerment. NXIVM’s promises of self-improvement concealed abusive practices, while OneTaste’s focus on “orgasmic meditation” led to allegations of manipulation and exploitation. 

Similarly, the Twin Flames Universe preyed on its followers’ desire for love, encouraging obsessive behaviors in pursuit of “destined soulmates.” These examples underscore how systems of control can distort genuine emotional connections, much like the matchmaking System in Hang the DJ.

When Frank and Amy are given a second chance at romance, they decide to avoid looking at the expiration date, allowing their relationship to flourish organically.

However, Frank, consumed by curiosity and doubt, breaks the promise. In doing so, he alters their timeline, turning what might have been a chance for something meaningful into a doomed, shortened experience.

Technology increasingly governs how people commit to higher powers by reinforcing accountability through data and automation. However, this reliance on technology often creates pressure to maintain consistency, with lapses leading to feelings of neglect or failure. 

This episode paints a picture of love reduced to data points. In the real world, dating apps already deploy algorithms to analyze preferences, calculate compatibility, and influence decisions. Innovations like simulations, gamified matchmaking, and AI companions hint at a future where love feels both eerily orchestrated and profoundly uncertain. Yet, unlike the utopian undertones of Hang the DJ, where rebellion against the system sparks genuine connection, real-life algorithms often lack the nuance to capture human complexity.

As we inch closer to that future, the question lingers: will these tools guide us toward deeper intimacy or imprison us in an endless loop of swipes and time limits? But perhaps, as the episode reminds us, defying the rules and trusting our humanity may still lead us to our most meaningful connections.

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